TOOLS FOR DEFINING AND SETTING BOUNDARIES

TOOLS FOR DEFINING AND SETTING BOUNDARIES INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING:

1. KNOW WHEN A BOUNDARY IS CROSSED. KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT NEEDS YOU HAVE. IF SOMETHING SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU DOESN'T SIT RIGHT, REALIZE THAT YOU NEED TO INFORM THEM ABOUT YOUR NEEDS (SPEAK UP) AND STATE THEM TO THAT PERSON. OR IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO GET THINGS DONE - AROUND YOUR HOME OR IN YOUR OFFICE - EXTEND YOUR BOUNDARIES SO THAT YOU HAVE THE SPACE AND TIME TO ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU WANT.

2. INFORM THE PERSON OR PEOPLE AROUND YOU ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND WHAT HAPPENED. SEE IF THEY SE IT YOUR WAY. ASK A QUESTION WHICH IS LESS THREATENING SUCH AS "i AM KEPT GUESSING WHEN YOU WILL RETURN FROM WORK?" THIS MAKES ME ANXIOUS. COULD YOU PLEASE INFORM ME FROM WORK WHEN YOU WILL BE HOME?" DON'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW OTHERS FEEL.

3. EDUCATE THEM HOW TO CHANGE. TELL THEM YOU'RE NEEDS AND CLARIFY EXACTLY HOW TO CHANGE: "I NEED TO RECEIVE A CALL FROM YOU IN ORDER TO REDUCE MY ANXIETY ABOUT WHEN YOU WILL RETURN HOME. "DID YOU KNOW I DO NOT LIKE ...?" "I NEED TO HAVE A SPECIAL DAY FOR MYSELF TO RELAX FROM THE KIDS."

4.EXTEND YOUR BOUNDARIES - SET LIMITS. "IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO ARRIVE TO WORK WHEN THE REST OF OUR TEAM MEETS I WILL HAVE TO TALK TO THE MAIN SUPERVISOR." "YOU CAN TELL ME ON FRIDAY THAT YOU'LL MOST LIKELY BE LATE ON MONDAY. THAT WAY I CAN SET THE SCHEDULE AND TASKS FOR THE TEAM MEMBERS."

5.KNOW THE CONSEQUENCE IF SOMEONE EXHIBITS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR TO YOU. IF THEIR BEHAVIOR OR ACTION IS UNACCEPTABLE TO YOU ASK HOW THE SITUATION CAN CHANGE. KEEP THEM INFORMED AS TO WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU. THEN REQUEST THAT THEY DO SUCH AND SUCH TO SET YOUR BOUNDARIES. A MORE STRICT REQUEST IS CALLED A "DEMAND" AND THAT MEANS THEY NEED TO AGREE TO YOUR REQUEST OR YOU WILL LEAVE THE SITUATION TO A HIGHER UP PERSON AT WORK OR TO A COUNSELOR IF IT IS A FAMILY SITUATION.

COACH UNIVERSITY